Friday, December 31, 2010

Almost A New Year

Well, another year has passed. Almost.

Looking back on the year, I see so many changes.  Relationships come and gone, pets as well.  There are so many people I have met this year, and so many that I haven't heard from in a long time.  I miss them.  I miss friends.  I miss Arkansas.  I miss Ginger and Oscar and so much more.

But life brings its changes.  I have been changing and growing a lot.  This is the first time in a long time when I have been able to feel close to God again.  I am glad to be growing in my relationship and knowledge of him.  His comfort is great in this lonely stage in life.

This year has brought a new member to my family.  My sister got married, and they are so happily in love. I am glad to see all my sisters happily married.  They inspire me not to give up on love, and to have faith that it is real.  So I haven't given up on fairy tales yet.  Just waiting for them to find me.  I think I would like a Jacob and Rachel kind of love.  Without the extra wives and slaves.  But just the way he loved her so much that he pursued her whole heartedly, willing to work 14 years for her.  Or a Hosea kind of love, after he bought her back.  Hosea is by far my favorite book I have read.  I will have to blog about why later.  But it is very deep in my heart.

This Christmas also brought a new dog.  My dog, Ginger, passed away this summer.  Along with my 4 year old fish Oscar.  Those were both really devastating.  But I was finally able to get another puppy.  Her name is Bella Donna.  She is sometimes more like destructo-puppy, but I love her still.  I just hope I can raise her well.

As the year ends, I am praying for an even better year to come.  I am that cool person who has nothing to do on New Years, so I am sitting home alone blogging.  And getting my legs chewed off by my mutant dog.  I am praying that this next year bring health to my family and opportunities for new friendships and a social life.  Maybe good job stuff, too.  That would be nice.

Monday, December 20, 2010

What have we done to this beautiful world?

We as a human collective always seem to be in a constant battle to destroy the beautiful things God has created. We take and take without giving back to nature.  And then we try to stay naive about all that goes on, or we try to cover up the blame, so that we wont have to act responsively to what we are convicted of.

I am noticing this in my own life, too.  It is so easy to be ignorant because there is no knowledge of things that need to be changed.  I tend to focus on my own selfish life rather than focus on God's creation.  But, God put man on earth to rule and domain his creation, and in the context of that command, the only ruler and domineer to model after was God.  And he rules with love and compassion and grace.  We tend to model our behavior after dictators and Hitler and evil people.  Look at the dolphin slaughter, or the way we cut down too many forest and our waste we throw back on the land and waters and animals.  But, we try to justify it by saying that it is economical or practical or all part of building up our society.  It's just that we aren't being good stewards with what God commanded us to take care of when we see no conviction in our actions, or try to make changes in the world.

We still eat the meat from the slaughterhouses that don't allow chickens to ever see sunlight, and pump the animals so full of chemicals because they have been raised in their own crap.  We justify it by saying that that is the only way to feed a lot of people, or we stay naive about it, or we just say that caring is for the hippies.

We also support the food industries that tae buses to Mexico, bring back people to work illegally, and then hire the police to deport the workers after a time as criminals so that the company won't have to give them a raise.  But the people bringing the buses are never looked at, only the people doing the work.  And we support this because we still buy their food because it is cheap and easy.

We support so much waste in the world, so much cruelty in the world, just because we want things easy.  How dumb is that?  Just because it is easy doesn't mean it is right.  And nowhere in the Bible does God say he came to make our lives easy.  Yes, it says he gives us rest and his burden is light and his yolk is easy, but that does not mean that we are to live easy lives.  It just means he gives us inner peace and strength.  We are called to be lazy turds.

But we are lazy turds.  I am realizing how much I don't do because it would disrupt the normal way of my lazy life, or because people will think weird of me for acting out of conviction.

I used to get teased a lot for my environmental thoughts.  But God made this beautiful creation which we are so easily destroying with our waste and our slaughter and our lack of responsible action.  We are selfish stewards.

I am not saying we should all be vegetarians and never eat anything we haven't grown ourselves, but I am saying that maybe we should research what we support when we buy our produce and products and materials, etc.  Because even if you are naive that you might be supporting something sinful when you buy something from a sinful company, you are still responsible.  I am still responsible.

So now, I am going to try to be less lazy with life and to act responsibly once more.  There is so much beauty in the world, and I don't want to support it being destroyed.

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Inspiration from a teabag

I am a tea drinker.  I love all kinds of hot teas and herbal teas.  Lately I have been drinking the Yogi brand tea, which has these wonderful little thoughts for inspiration on the tag of the tea bag.  Tonights tea stated, 

"We are here to love each other, serve each other, and uplift each other."

Tea has never been so honest!  And it got me thinking about the idea of love.  

Today love seems so temporary and disposable.  I am just as bad as others at forgetting the meaning of love.  We say I love this and I love that and I love you and I love pizza....  We have turned love into this temporary feeling or this temporary thought, when actually, love isn't temporary at all.  Real love isn't at least.

Our model for love isn't supposed to be from this world, but the One who is love and created love.  The Bible says that God is love, and it also says that love never fails, never falters or stumbles.  It doesn't just go away some day when the lovey-dovey feeling is gone.  That is because love isn't the emotion we think it is, but love is an act to be proven.  It isn't based on our words, but our acts.  The love we feel for one anyone is supposed to be an act of service and encouragement and patience and kindness to each other.  

When God said He loved us, it wasn't only through words, but His acts.  He came down and lowered Himself to be one of us, to die for us and redeem us from our own sins.  He didn't have to do that, but He proved His love for us.  And that love never fails.

I have been through many friendships and relationships where love was just this temporary statement.  It was an "I will love you forever" with a side note of "but I might change my mind."  And all the times love was promised to me but abandoned, it made me doubt that love was real at all.  I still struggle with this, and I can only pray that God will help me along the way.  But now I am understanding that love isn't this feeling we state out loud, but it's something that compels us to act in certain ways that prove our love.  Just as Christ loved us and served and uplifted us, so should we to each other because of this love.

And this is what a simple pot of tea reminded me of.  

Massacre

Sadly, 10 of my fish dies today from overheating.  Apparently the heater in the tank shorted out and heated the water to 97 degrees, which turned out to be very fatal to some of my fish.  Amazingly all the mollies and platies made it, though.  But I am sad for those lost.  It was pretty depressing to find a lot of dead fish, though.

On another note, I don't know what I am doing with my life.  I don't even feel like me anymore.  I just feel like a vegetable.  I miss excitement and adventure and being with friends and so much more.  Unfortunately I am too broke to go see my friends or even really pay for gas to leave the house.  I barely drive so that I can save the gas in my tank for when I really need it.  But I'm working on fixing that.  Hoping to find a job soon, and then maybe I will be able to afford some adventure, or maybe even move away to where there are people my age to find adventure with.

I miss Arkansas. It was a beautiful place.

Friday, December 10, 2010

Oh crap

I was feeling a bit down today so I decided to cheer myself up, and this is what came from it.

I read too much sometimes.

Sometimes I wish life could be like in books.  I wish I could feel like a character in a story sometimes.  I used to think that it could, but I don't know anymore.  I hope someday.

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Peace

I have been struggling with peace for the past couple of weeks.  I had been focusing so much on things that don't really matter, and had lost my focus on serving and loving God.  Sometimes I get caught up in the here and now, worrying about whatever situation I am in or hating where I am at in life, and I lose focus on the reason God has put me in the places I am at and what He might be trying to teach me through those situations.  And then I get restless because I see all these things ahead of me and what I want and where I want to be in life, and I forget that none of that stuff really matters.  In the whole scheme of life, it won't matter where I lived, if I had much money or not, if I got married or not, or even how long I was alive.  All that matters is if I have loved God and done my best to serve Him and tell others about Him.  It's amazing how quickly I can lose focus.  But I was reminded today that no matter what, God loves me and cares for me.  It doesn't matter where I live, how much money I have or don't have, it doesn't matter what I have done, or who I used to be, or if anyone thinks I'm pretty or not, or even if I care to love Him back.  He loves me, no matter what.  And that is awesome, and inspiring. So I am going to try to focus on things that do matter.  Because God first loved me, I want to love others.  And in the end, people are who matter, not all the material crap that the world tell me I need to have.  And realizing this today gave me a ton of peace.  God loves me.  He has a plan for my life.  And it doesn't matter what I have or don't have, because He's got me.  And this is the realization that I want to live in.  So I am thankful for the peace I have been given.  It feels truly amazing.